wedding tune

Sunday, September 13, 2015


(lucy and ethel katherine)

jess oppenheimer 
couldn't have written and produced 
a more hysterical episode of 
i love lucy
than what happened recently
in real life, 
right in the middle 
of the bridal shop 
where katherine had chosen 
her bridesmaids' dresses.


in preparation 
for surprising lucy 
by asking her 
to be a junior bridesmaid 
in katherine and zack's wedding, 
katherine and i arrived 
at the bridal shop a little early.
we wanted to have lucy's dress 
in hand and ready for her. 
katherine also had a gift bag 
containing a bridesmaid tee shirt 
and a darling, pearl headband
for lucy.

there we stood in anticipation...

(katherine had asked lucy's mama, 
if she thought lucy would like to be 
in the wedding 
to which toni had responded, 
"i can't think of anything 
that would make her happier!")

katherine: do you think 
she will be excited?
me: oh, yeah!  are you kidding?
lucy is a little diva- 
she will be 
all about this!


while we waited, 
their families, 
and their friends 
filled the shop. 

katherine: do you think 
she's going to be wearing her dress 
like mine?

i giggled...

me: i'm pretty sure she will be.
i don't think 
she would have texted you 
last night 
asking you to wear yours 
if she hadn't been planning 
on wearing hers.

katherine, too, giggled 
and shook her head.

about that time 
we both looked up. 
coming through the door 
were toni and lucy, 
who was, indeed, 
donning the same dress 
as katherine

katherine and i (in unison): LUCY!!!

she came running toward us. 
she wrapped her sweet little arms 
around my waist and hugged me. 

as she pulled away 
to give katherine a hug, 
katherine went down on her knees
where she was eye-level
with lucy, 
katherine held out lucy's gift bag.

katherine: lucy, i have something
i want to ask you.
lucy: what?
katherine: will you be a bridesmaid 
in my wedding?


toni, katherine, and i 
stood waiting 
for the squeal...

there was nothing.

lucy stood before us 
with the color draining 
from her little face.
katherine looked up at me 
then slowly stood.

me: look, lucy,  
katherine bought you 
a tee shirt 
and a headband...

(i pulled the goodies 
from her gift bag.)

as i stood holding 
the tee shirt 
(so lucy could see it)
toni put the headband 
in her hair. 

me: you get to wear this 
the morning 
katherine and zack get married. 
you will get 
to jump in katherine's bed 
and have a pillow fight 
with katherine 
and her other bridesmaids!
doesn't that sound like fun?

(i was grasping at straws.)

toni: lucy?

finally, lucy spoke.

lucy: uh, what is a bridesmaid?

toni and katherine 
looked at me.

me: a bridesmaid?
lucy: uh-huh, what is that?
me: a bridesmaid gets to wear 
a pretty dress like this
(i held up her dress)
and stand up with a bride  
while she gets married.
katherine wants you 
to be a bridesmaid 
in her wedding.
you'll get to get your hair styled, 
your picture taken,
eat at the table with katherine,
go to a big party, 
and dance!!!
doesn't that sound like fun?


lucy stood silently 
my words.

lucy answered. 

lucy: no.
me: okay, if you don't want 
to do it, lets just leave 
and go to lunch.
katherine: yeah, lucy, 
you don't have to 
if you don't want to...

toni looked at lucy.

toni: lucy, what's the matter?

lucy was terrified.

(toni turned to me and whispered 
she might should have prepared 
lucy a little on the way to the shop.)

me: is it just too much, luc?
lucy: yes,
me: it's okay. 
really, you don't have 
to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to...

lucy tucked her chin 
and looked at the floor.

lucy: but, who will get 
to wear the tee shirt?
me (trying not to laugh): you can keep it.
it's yours!

everyone in the store
was looking at us.

toni (trying to lighten the situation): lucy, 
give katherine a hug. 
remember how excited you said 
you were to get to see her?

(toni again turned to me 
and whispered lucy had told her 
she had butterflies in her belly 
-in anticipation of getting to see katherine-
on their way to the store.)

i great big smile began to creep across
lucy's deer-in-the-headlights face.

lucy: KATHERINE!!!

with arms wide open, 
lucy went running 
toward katherine, 
who'd nervously 
backed away from us. 
when she reached her, 
an overly excited lucy 
and unsuspecting katherine 
both fell to the floor!

the two were nothing more 
than a big, tangled mess 
of matching striped dresses, 
sandals, and tanned legs.

in what seemed like slow motion 
toni and i both turned 
away from them
(i suppose)
in some futile, subconscious attempt 
at detaching ourselves 
from the spectacle. 

when my eyes 
met those of the store greeter
(who was totally trying to keep 
from bursting out into laughter)
i mouthed the words, 

when i looked over at toni, 
i saw she was all teary. 
neither of us looked 
back at debacle, 
which was our daughters
respectively heaped in the floor. 

me: we can go. 
i promise, it's no big deal.
toni: no, let me talk to her.


in time
our girls somehow managed 
to get their act together 
and rejoin us. 

me: let's go over there 
for a minute.
i want to show you something.
katherine: uh, okay?

katherine and i left toni and lucy 
to talk.
we slid in behind a rack 
of dresses.

katherine: oh, my,
i didn't see that coming!

(i cracked up!
like i had to tightly cross my legs
to keep from wetting myself!)

me: me either! 

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
the mother of the bride xxx